You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
