i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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