The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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