considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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