She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
