I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize