My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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