If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
