you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
