Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
