So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
