I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
