I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
