I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
