You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
