I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
