Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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