yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
