I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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