we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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