I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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