Since when is my name a synonym for head?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
