My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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