You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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