Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
