I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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