Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize