I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
