Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
