I want to make a zoo with you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize