It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
