omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
