he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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