i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
