I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
