4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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