I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This baby is an asshole
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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