I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
