Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He felt like a one man threesome
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
