me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
