What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
