i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This is the prime rib incident all over again
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
