Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
