So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
