I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
