I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you never un-have a 4some
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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