At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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