Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
