My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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