Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
