I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
