wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
