he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize