Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
why is half of my head shaved?
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