Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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