why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
