you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
