just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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