Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
