Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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