is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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