you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize