hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
