its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize