he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
