I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
