it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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