Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry KentuckyFried hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Where were you when I was single???

(1-617): View more from Massachusetts

Still in diapers.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.

Fav 23 6496 1954
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(574): View more from Indiana

My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.

Fav 6 4419 1330
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."

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(631): View more from New York

these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.

(631): View more from New York

i got hit in the ear.

Fav 6 2659 1432
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(970): View more from Colorado

I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.

Fav 23 7110 1581
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.

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(586): View more from Michigan

well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend

Fav 4 303 505
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(248): View more from Michigan

Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?

Fav 0 27 29
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