The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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