Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
