If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
